Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
