i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
