Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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