Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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