apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She needs sedatives and a leash
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
