he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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