Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
