I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
