please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
