I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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