All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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