From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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