She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
