I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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