I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
