How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
