My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
