Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
