this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
