She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
