Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
