how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
home. puking in laundry basket.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
So squirting runs in the family.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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