I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
