I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
