you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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