uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
