is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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