You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
