if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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