I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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