Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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