lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
