I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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