dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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