First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
