why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
