There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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