Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
