that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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