he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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