I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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