don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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