Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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