goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
