I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
