Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
