We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
