You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
