if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he thought i was a dude.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Sorry about my life...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize