Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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