I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
