im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
