just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize