hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
