Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
