I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
