pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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