In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
