There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
