I wish I could teleport
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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