My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
