Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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