but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
