dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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