i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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