when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
