omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
