my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Randomize
