I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
